


Things That Go Boom

by FlawedVictori



Series: The Life of Crime Often Ends Quickly, but Rarely Ends Well [4]
Category: RWBY
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Multi, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4726157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlawedVictori/pseuds/FlawedVictori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Yang “stares” down half the cops in La Delincuencia, Blake causes the biggest explosion they’ve ever felt, and Ruby actually drives under the speed limit for once. Pollination/OT4, LifeOfCrime AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things That Go Boom

**Author's Note:**

> “This is speech through their earpiece”

Ruby made herself comfortable, lying on top of one of the smaller buildings on the street, situated diagonally across from the bank.

 

“Alright, everybody ready?” her voice buzzing into the ear of each of her crew.

 

She zoomed in on Blake, sitting behind the wheel of the getaway car, to make the final check of her scope.

 

Humming contentedly, she chambered a round and waited for the fun to start.

 

/

 

“This is Blake, I’m ready to go.” She adjusted the volume on her earpiece and started the car. She sat in a nearby parking garage, with a great view of the bank.

 

/

 

Yang checked her gun over one last time, excitement pooling in her stomach. “Don’t you mean you’re ready to  _roll_?”

 

Two groans buzzed into her earpiece, and Weiss swatted her on the arm.

 

The blonde sent her a glare, and she shook her head. “Ugh. Anyway, Weiss and Yang, in position. Main entrance is sealed, we’re ready to bust into the lobby.”

 

“Assholes are asking to be robbed, if you ask me. Who separates the main entrance from the lobby? Perfect place to pull out you guns without being noticed… amongst other things.” Yang sent Weiss a grin.

 

Weiss rolled her eyes.

 

“ _Hey, guys, now’s really not the time for a quickie. Weiss, if Yang tries anything, I packed you a spray bottle.”_

 

Blake’s chuckle came in through their earpieces, and Yang rolled her eyes.

 

“Sis, you know the sniper’s supposed to be the emotionless one, right? And how come I didn’t get a spray bottle? I look damn good in this turtleneck.”

 

Weiss swept her eyes over the blonde and shrugged, waving a hand around.

 

“Oh, you bitch.” Yang giggled, ruffling the bandannas they were using to conceal their faces. “I guess the fact we’re all wearing it kinda detracts from it, but you gotta admit, it makes my boobs look _amazing_. Thanks, sis!”

 

Ruby declined to respond, but Weiss swore she could feel the eye roll from where she was standing.

 

“ _If we’re all done posturing, could we start this thing? I’m starting to grow roots into this damn seat.”_

 

“Not the Bellabooty.” Yang whispered, her face tightening in horror.

 

Blake’s surprised snort of laughter got them all chuckling.

 

“Phew. Alright, you bunch of dorks, lets do this. And, uh… just in case… love you guys.” Yang said, pointedly looking away from Weiss to hide the slight hint of red on her cheeks.

 

“ _Aw, you big softie. Love you too. Weiss, Blake? Love you guys.”_

 

“ _We’re all going to get out of this fine, there’s no reason-”_

 

“ _Blaaaaake…”_ Ruby and Yang whined in unison.

 

They all heard Blake’s sigh. _“Love you guys.”_

 

“Weiss? Yang asked, smiling.

 

Weiss rolled her eyes. “I.. care deepl-”

 

Ruby booed, Blake joining in after a moment. Yang shot her a wide grin.

 

Weiss sighed. “Fine. I love you guys.”

 

“Aw, love you too, Weiss.” Yang said, and blew her a kiss.

 

Then she kicked the door in, Weiss following her in, the two of them raising their guns.

 

A security guard reached for his pistol, and Yang filled him with bullets.

 

The screams started then, and cut off suddenly as Yang fired into the air.

 

“Alright everyone, get on the ground! Any sudden moves, you die! We clear?” She punctuated her sentence with another volley of gunfire, knocking another foolish guard onto his back and splattering the patrons closest to him with his blood. “We’re professionals, folks. You’re not faster than us, so stay down and you’ll get to go home to your families tonight!”

 

She nodded at Weiss, and the pale girl walked up to the tellers, pointing her gun at the manager.

 

“Get all the money out of the drawers, and if you so much as  _think_  of touching a silent alarm or a dye pack I’ll splatter your brains on the ground and do it myself.”

 

The man sputtered, and started loading the cash into the duffel bags Weiss tossed him.

 

“ _Uh, guys? There’s some cops driving this way. Oh, shit…”_

 

Yang swallowed. Ruby cursing was never a good thing. “How many?”

 

“ _Uh… I dunno, a lot. Must be half the police force. We might have a problem.”_

 

“Oh, shit… Uh. Start counting, alright? Weiss, hurry it up, we might have a problem.”

 

The pale girl nodded, and ordered another of the tellers to start filling the bags.

 

“ _Uh… thirty-three parked pulled up out front now, packed pretty tightly together, everyone’s taking cover behind them now, I don’t see any more coming at the moment, but I’m sure they’re on the radio. You think we were spotted? This many guys, they have to know it’s us, right?”_

 

Yang swallowed. “Thirty cars?  You’re shitting me… Yeah, they have to know it’s us. I told you guys we needed to go to another state! How’d they even kno-”

 

Blake’s voice came in through their earpieces, sounding calm and collected as she always did.  _“Keep calm. We can figure out how they know later. For right now, we need to focus on how we’re getting you two out of there. Any ideas?”_

 

“Uh… Ruby, you said they’re all out front? And tightly packed… Blake, you have that launcher, right?”

 

“ _A shot from here… I think I could get them. I won’t have time to put it together before they start to spread out, though. They know we’ve used explosives before._

 

“Right, right… I’ve got a plan, guys. Weiss, toss me a bag or two, we want it to look like I was the only one in here.

 

Weiss raised an eyebrow, but tossed her two of the bags, Yang slipping her gun into one of them and strapping them over her shoulders. “Be careful.”

 

Yang flashed her a smile. “And break the trend now? Not a chance. Alright guys, here’s the plan…”

 

/

 

The lieutenant nodded at him, and he raised the megaphone to his lips. “This is the LDPD! Come out with your hands up! No one has to be hurt!”

 

Every officer there instinctively ducked further behind their cars.

 

If their information was right, this was the same crew that’d been hitting banks up and down the west coast for the past five years. During that time, they’d been caught red-handed no fewer than twenty times.

 

Once, and only once, had they left no men dead and that’d been because the mayor himself had been visiting the bank at the time, so they’d had a pretty valuable hostage to bargain with.

 

The rest of the time… well, the saying was that the only thing rarer than surviving a shootout with them was them deciding not to start shooting in the first place.

 

So when the door to the bank started slowly swinging open, every weapon was pointed at them, and every officer there held their breath.

 

Two hands emerged from it first, devoid of any kind of weaponry, and then a woman stepped out.

 

The lieutenants breath caught in his throat, as did several of the younger officers.

 

The girl wouldn’t look out of place on any set in Vilewood, with her long, flowing blonde hair, her curvy body, and her obvious comfort in front of the crowd.

 

Which is why the younger officer’s breath caught, anyway.

 

The lieutenant knew better. The woman perfectly matched the description of an integral member of that fabled stick-up crew.

 

A woman who was said to have taken more bullets than his sidearm could hold and kept fighting, her and the little white devil, pushing their way through hundreds of officers to escape scot-free, time after time.

 

And she strolled out of the bank like she owned the place, hands in the air, an obviously heavy duffel bag strapped to each shoulder.

 

A purple bandanna was tied around her face, so he couldn’t see the smile, per se, but he could  _feel_  it.

 

For a moment, no one moved, or said anything,

 

/

 

Yang chuckled. If she’d known being a distraction was this easy, they’d probably have more cloak and dagger plans instead of going in, guns blazing. “Well? You asked me to come out with my hands up, here I am. Quit staring, boys. My girlfriend’s really possessive.”

 

“ _Hey!”_

 

“Well, just one of them, really. And even then, just to guys. She’s kind of a voyeur, I think.”

 

She looked out at the crowd. Many of them were lowering their guns, and a few seemed like they were actually fantasizing. Jeez, this distraction shit was easy. The way things were going, the only hard part would be dealing with Weiss’ dirty looks later.

 

Well, among other things, anyway…

 

A devious thought struck her then, and she let out a particularly saucy grin. Of course, no one could see it, but she felt that it was justified.

 

“Anyways, I’m sure all of you guys would love to be the ones to get to  _handcuff_  lil ol’ me-”

 

She heard three groans in her earpiece, and the smile widened.

 

“-and take me for a  _nice, long ride_  to the police station, can I request a girl?”

 

The eyes of pretty much every guy she saw widened, and she let out a chuckle.

 

This almost seemed unfair.

 

“Uh… Maybe a blonde?”

 

Weiss’ voice buzzed in her ear.  _“Narcissist”_

 

She felt her face redden a bit at the mental images that provokes, and decided to switch up that train of thought before it goes somewhere disturbing.

 

“-Or a redhead, maybe?” She nodded. “Yeah, redhead. Kinda had enough of back and white, and brown would be weird.”

 

Various irritated sounds played through her earpiece at that, and she’s fairly certain Blake told her to go fuck herself.

 

None of the cops move, and she’s inwardly glad about that. “Uh… whenever you’re ready.”

 

/

 

Blake attached another piece onto the RPG, and resolved to just start carrying it, fully assembled, in the back seat.

 

Because putting it together under those conditions is absolutely nerve wracking.

 

“Not yet, Yang. Try and stall some more, okay?”

 

Ruby’s voice spoke up.  _“Worst comes to worst, I’ll shoot one of the important looking ones, and you get to cover, okay?”_

 

/

 

Yang swallowed.

 

"I mean, I’m sure all of you can’t wait for me to get what’s coming to me and watch me  _go down_ , and do my  _long, hard_  time in prison, but you need to send someone to handcuff me first. C'mon, why do you all look so shocked? I’m tired of my wicked ways, and I want to  _give it_   _all up_ , you know?”

 

Weiss sighed in her earpiece.  _“I’m going to shoot you myself if you make another innuendo.”_

 

Yang would’ve found some way to incorporate a snarky comeback into her next speech, but she noticed the reason the officers had yet to approach her. A red dot appeared on her chest, and slowly moved upwards to her throat.

 

“A sniper? Really? If I wanted a hostage, I had plenty inside, trust me. You guys gonna send someone to arrest me, or are you gonna let me walk? Because that’d be great.”

 

/

 

The lieutenant swallowed, and made his decision. “Sergeant Nikos, go out there.”

 

She looked shocked for a moment, then nodded. “Sir.”

 

As she exited cover, he hears one of the lower-ranked officers muttering about doing exactly what the bank robber wants.

 

He sighed. In his view, there’s an almost-zero chance that Nikos was working with the robbers, and he was mainly trying to appease the blonde to keep her, as well any of her friends he was sure were hiding nearby, from opening fire.”

 

/

 

Yang let out a long whistle at the redhead, seemingly unfazed by the gun she has pointed at her.

 

"Aw, how nice, you boys actually got me a redhead! She’s pretty damn sexy, too. What’s your name, hon?”

 

Redhead leveled the gun at her forehead, and Yang felt a sense of dread. Something told her she knew how to use it, at least better than the rest of the cops she’d met.

 

“Ma'am, I’m going to have to ask you to set the bags down and put your hands behind your head. I have to check you for weapons.”

 

“Oh, yeah, I’m not falling for that one. ‘Oh, babe, just set the money down for a minute, help me with dinner.’ And then the next thing I know, it’s all over the bed and lemme tell ya something, Red. There’s  _nothin_ ’ worse than banging on money. It sticks to ya, and it feels  _really_  dirty. I’d rather die in a  _fiery_ _explosion_  than bang on money again, trust me.”

 

Red looks shocked for a moment.

 

“ _It was one time!”_

 

“ _Ugh, Yang, is that why you had that hundred stuck to you last week? Anyway, Gimme a minute to line up a shot on their sniper, and then make the shot, Blake.”_

 

“ _Just tell me when. Keep them talking, babe.”_

 

Red’s face was darker than her hair. “Ma'am, I’m not going to ask you again. Put the bags down.”

 

Yang shot her a winning smile, then set the bags down, nice and slow. “Alright, alright, but no sudden moves, got it? Don’t need you getting all… frisky on me!” She put her hands behind her head, careful to keep the earpiece hidden from view with her hair.

 

The others are vaguely impressed that Yang managed to get nearly fifty police officers to groan during a robbery.

 

Red stepped forward and began a patdown, checking closely for any weapons. “Ma'am, are you carrying anything that could hurt me today?”

 

Yang pretended to think about it. “Well, I have a  _Glock_  shoved between my tits. You wanna grab it for me?”

 

Red froze, her hands on Yang’s shoulders. “Uh…” Yang smirked, happy to finally break the officer’s calm veneer.

 

After a moment, she resumed the patdown. “I’m going to assume you’re joking.”

 

Yang laughed. “Oh, I am, but still. I could be hiding a grenade down there. Sure you don’t wanna check? Wouldn’t want to  _blow us up_ , after all.”

 

“ _Trying to make sure I can drop him with one shot, he’s at a weird angle. Just wait a minute, okay?”_

 

Red looks at her closely for a moment, then shakes her head. “You’re joking again. Don’t worry, we’ll do a full strip search… I, uh, I mean! Another officer will-”

 

Yang smiled widely. “Aw, I knew you liked me! Strip search, huh? Kinky.”

 

Red appeared to lose the ability to speak, so Yang pressed on. “You know, you seem alright. You sure you don’t wanna  _come_  over to my side of the law?”

 

Red’s face hardened. “Of course I am. I don’t want to be some  _common criminal_.”

 

Yang sent her a cheeky grin.

 

“Aw, why not? How do you know you won’t like playing for the other team till ya try it? We get paid better, and we get to  _blow shit up_. That’s always fun, unless you get too close.”  
  


“ _Alright, got him! Now, Blake!”_

 

“Finally.” Yang said.

 

Red got a quizzical look on her face for all of ten seconds before the world exploded.

 

/

 

Blake takes a deep breath and fires, her eyes widening as the rocket makes a distinctive screech.

 

As one, every officer on the street turns to her, and for one horrible moment she’s sure one of them will kill her, or that the shot would miss.

 

And then it hits, causing the biggest explosion any of them have ever felt.

 

Forgetting the earpiece in her panic, she leans over the railing and yells for Yang.

 

/

 

When the world explodes, Pyrrha instinctively dives to cover up the blonde, and the last thing she registers before passing out is the look of confusion in violet eyes.

 

/

 

Heat washes over Yang, and for a moment she wonders if she’s in hell.

 

Then it dies down, and she moves the cop off her, bending over her to check her pulse.

 

It’s there, if a bit weak, and she smiles for a moment before Weiss wheels her around and starts shouting at her.

 

Dimly, it dawns on her that she can’t hear Weiss, can’t hear  _anything_ , and she remembers she wasn’t wearing her damned ear plugs this time, because this heist wasn’t supposed to explode like that, and all at once she remembers what she’s supposed to do.

 

She picks up her bags, pulls out her gun, and waits, letting Weiss give her a quick check for injuries.

 

/

 

Wen the world explodes, Ruby is already on her way down the ladder, trusting in her team to see their way through this. After all, it’s hardly the first heist to go badly. She knows, deep down, that they can make it through.

 

Still, words cant describe how relieved she is when Blake pulls up in the ugly white suv they’d sourced for this one, and tells her that they’re fine, but they need to get over there  _fast_.

 

Then she scoots into the passenger seat and Ruby grins as she puts her hands on the wheel. The others might not like letting her drive often, but they know that she’s easily the best option when it’s actually time to put the pedal down.

 

The suv shoots forward and Ruby lets out a whoop, surprised that the crappy thing can get that fast.

 

Blake, of course, is being a big baby, yelling something about seatbelts.

 

/

 

Ruby skids to a stop beside them, and Weiss pulls Yang to the car.

 

The blonde obeys, yelling something about reinforcements probably being on their way. It occurs to Weiss that she probably meant to whisper, but she’s too busy hissing at Blake.

 

“Why is _she_ driving?”

 

Ruby spins the car around, fishtails a bit, and drives off at speeds Blake is sure this car shouldn’t be able to reach.

 

“Because we’re desperate!”

 

Ruby lets out a laugh, and Yang squeals as the car goes onto two wheels.

 

They get to the highway in just a few tense moments, Ruby sliding in between people rushing to get home at ninety miles an hour, and dropping immediately, becoming just another car just stuck in traffic.

 

Throughout it all, Weiss’ hand has been squeezing onto Yang’s hard enough that the blonde’s fingers are starting to change color.  
  
  
She notices, eventually, and hurriedly releases it. “Yang? Are you hurt anywhere?”

 

“What?” Yang asks, much louder than usual.

 

Weiss sighs, and repeats herself at a higher volume.

 

“I’m fine! Can’t hear too well, though!” The blonde practically yells back.

 

Weiss pulls her into a hug, and does a more comprehensive search for injuries.

 

Blake’s looking back at them, concern clear on her face.

 

When Weiss finally gives a nod, she clambers over the seats and wraps her arms around the blonde, then pulls her in for a kiss.

 

When she finally pulls back, Yang turns her gaze on Weiss, and gives her the same cocky grin as always. “Your turn, Weissy!”

 

Weiss is fairly certain the people in the next three cars heard her, but she doesn’t care.

 

She pulls Yang close, kissing the blonde as if her life depended on it.

 

When she breaks away, she notices Ruby watching in the rear view mirror.

 

“Weiss, Blake, you guys forgetting someone?”

 

“What?” Yang asks.

 

Blake smiles one of her enigmatic little smiles. “Not when you’re driving. The last thing we need right now is to be pulled over.”

 

Ruby pouts for a moment.

 

Blake shoots Weiss a look.

 

“But…” Weiss says, catching on and smiling at the larger girl. “If you can keep us below the speed limit the rest of the way home, we’ll give you a special reward. Right, Blake?”

 

“Right.” Blake purrs, leaning forward and squeezing Ruby’s shoulder.

 

Yang looks back and forth between them for a moment, confusion clear on her face, until the realization hits.“Hey! I’m the one who stared down all the cops in the city! Where’s my threesome!”

 

The woman in the car beside them shoots them a scandalized look, and Yang blows her a kiss.

 

Blake rolls her eyes. “It was  _maybe_  half the cops.”

 

“And you flirted with them for most of it.” Weiss sniffed. “ _And_  you made fun of me the whole time.”

 

“Not the whole time! I made fun of Blake once!”

 

“Speaking of which…” Blake started, placing a hand on Yang’s knee and giving it a rough squeeze.

 

“Uh… I mean… What? I still can’t hear too well, guys!”” Yang says, letting out a nervous chuckle.

 

Blake and Weiss tackle her as one, and Ruby winces. “Eesh. Keep it PG, guys.”

 

“Ruby! Help!” Yang yells.

 

“Sorry!” Ruby yells back. “Can’t hear you over how responsibly I’m driving!”

 

“Ow! Blake, that’s bruised already!”


End file.
